Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14, 2004

I am sitting here so unsure of what to do anymore. I've never asked anyone for help of this type, as many people come to me for answers. I am a social worker and my husband is a psychologist. We should have the answers, but we just don't.

We have been married 10 years and have an 8-year-old daughter. The problem as I see it is my husband refuses to help out at home. He will not do anything associated with domestic work. He does not mow the lawn. What he does is work a full-time job, play music in a band on weekends, and play in two sports leagues.

He is very negative, and over the past few years, increasingly critical of me and everything I do or don't do. I work a full-time job with a private practice on the side. I take care of everything and somehow manage to stay sane. When I bring up the unfairness of our roles, I am always met with, "I don't want to hear about it. Shut up. Go away. Leave me alone."

I work my butt off every single day and am so tired. Yes, I get crabby sometimes, but it is because I feel I am living in a hopeless situation. I feel more resentful as the years go by, and my blood pressure was high enough to start medication two years ago.

We are in debt because my husband returned to school seven years ago to get his Ph.D. Divorcing now would probably ruin us both financially. He tells our daughter we will never divorce, yet when an argument starts, he tells me we should get a divorce and end it. I am not one to give in easily, but I don't feel he loves me. I feel used.

Priscilla

Priscilla, in what book or counseling session did your husband learn to settle arguments by threatening his spouse with divorce? In what class on conflict resolution did he find that little gem? People who are pretty amiable and choose to stay together, usually can. But when one person won't participate, there is nothing you can do.

Your husband is treating your house like a bed and breakfast--all the amenities of a home without any of the responsibilities. Behavior follows feelings, and his behavior supports your belief that he does not love you.

You don't give up easily, but you know how this often plays out. When a woman has been doing it all, even if the husband is finally willing to make an effort, it is too late. The wife is already dead emotionally. You already feel used, and there are limits to how much criticism a person can take.

Lay your cards on the table. It's one thing if he is willing to do the talk, meditation, body work, or whatever it takes to break him loose from where he has been as a person. It is another not to be willing to begin.

You are not one to give in easily, but when sailors drown, it is not because they lack resolve but because they are dealing with forces beyond their control. In finding the limits to what you can do in your own life, you may have learned what you can and cannot do to help others.

Wayne & Tamara

Horse's Mouth

We've been a couple for two years. If all goes well, we will probably marry. Recently she started making remarks like "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "if things don't work out, I hope I find someone just like you." What do you think?

Skip

Skip, the closer you are to someone, the more you can end their sentences. The farther apart you are, the more you say, "Huh, what did you mean by that?" She's got you saying, "Huh?" Close the distance and ask her what she means.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:

Foreign Secretary to call for more sanctions on Russia
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 22:42:00 +0100
Jeremy Hunt will use his first speech as Foreign Secretary to call for further sanctions on Russia in response to the Salisbury novichok poisonings.

At least 14 dead after raids on Rio drug gangs
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 15:30:00 +0100
At least 14 people have died after Brazil's military swooped on drug gangs in Rio de Janeiro.

'Terrorist' shot dead at Barcelona police station
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 11:49:00 +0100
A suspected terrorist has been shot dead after attempting to attack officers with a large knife at a police station in Barcelona.

Elderly South Koreans reunite with relatives in North
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 02:15:00 +0100
Dozens of elderly South Koreans have travelled to the border with the North to reunite with relatives they were separated from during the Korean War.

Chelsea Clinton: I definitely may run for office
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 15:27:00 +0100
Chelsea Clinton has said she has not ruled out running for office in the future - although she is not interested in getting into politics for now.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

Relationship Advice: 7 Strategies for a Great Relationship

1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to... Read More

Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships

The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you... Read More

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers... Read More

20 Tips to Keep Love Alive

Have you ever been at a loss to think of... Read More

Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples

The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More

Single in a Couples World

Advertising for St. Valentine's Day seemed more relentless than ever... Read More

What Does a Dangerous Man Look Like?

When you are dating you try to keep from a... Read More

To Love Or To Be In Love

What is the basic difference between loving someone and being... Read More

Power Struggle!

The greatest asset we have in human existence is our... Read More

Lifelong Partners, Lifelong Growth

Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one... Read More

Can This Relationship Be Helped?

I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Relationship Tips to Grow Close and Stay Close

Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Why Anger is Essential to Healthy Relationships

Many of us have some very definite ideas about anger.... Read More

Tune Up Your Relationship

Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart?... Read More

The Womans Guide to Younger Men

I often awake to find Beverly, my older wife, wrapped... Read More

Why Some Women Are Desperate

I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More

What Men Want From Women

Actually, it's pretty simple. Deep inside the heart of every... Read More

Better Than Help

One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family... Read More

Washroom Break

Picture yourself at a bar with some of your buddies.... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More