Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Two Easy Steps To Finding Joy In All Your Relationships

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this person is the right one, that we aren't repeating mistakes of the past, and that we will finally receive the love, support, companionship and admiration we've been waiting for. Each person has a shopping list of hopes, expectations and secret demands he/she makes of their partner and their relationship. When these wishes are fulfilled, then they say they are happy.

This kind of approach to relationships usually brings disappointment. It fails to understand the important difference between happiness and joy, (or contentment).

To begin, happiness is always fleeting. It comes and goes. It has to. Just as night and day alter, happiness too fluctuates. Happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, when our boyfriend finally pops the questions these are moments of happiness. These moments are lovely - we cherish them in memory. The only wrong with this kind of happiness is when we depend upon them to feel good.

Joy is different. It doesn't come and go. It doesn't depend upon outer circumstances. When things are difficult, when our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy arises from within, not without. It is an attitude of mind that can be developed and nurtured. It represents the growth of the individual from a child to an adult, willing to take responsibility for the way they choose to respond. Joy is not a knee jerk reaction. It a positive decision we make about ourselves and others.

In a sense joy is a practice. It is not necessarily an emotion. Joy, being constant, is deeper than emotion; it is an orientation towards life and towards the people in your relationships. It is built upon actions, it is a way of being with oneself and others, no matter what happens. There are steps we can take and can practice daily, which allow joy to be present. Joy is a decision we make each day.

In order to find joy in our lives and our relationships, certain things have to be developed and others to be relinquished. A famous saying describes this beautifully, it says, "When we are children we play with toys. When we grow up, we want the real thing." The real thing is joy, not happiness. Here are two, easy, beginning steps you can take, (and continue to practice), to find joy in your relationships.

l) Give Up Blaming The Other Person.

As time goes by it is very easy to find many things disappointing and wrong with the person you are with in a relationship. When we are upset, we attribute it to their behavior, something they've said or done wrong, or something they haven't done that we feel they should have. This is putting our well being in the hands of another. It is one of the most significant ways we destroy our own peace of mind and also undermine the other person. Realize that each person has the right to be who they are at this moment. No one made you their judge and jury. If you are upset or unhappy with their behavior, that is your response, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with them. You are creating your own unhappiness by blaming and disapproving of them. Give it up. Just observe their behavior. Get to know them. Watch how they live their lives and what their patterns are. This does not mean you have to join them, stay in the relationship or get into a dance with them. In fact, this may be the wrong person for you, but give up feeling they have disappointed you. They were not put on this earth to please you. They were put on this earth to be who they are, to change, grow and find wisdom. Say to yourself, this person has a right to be who they are, and I have a right to be who I am as well. They are not harming me by being who they are. This is their life they are leading. I have not been put on this earth to fix them. In truth, it is your own expectations which are causing you upset.. When we do not put heavy expectations on the other, but are willing to simply discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily.

2) Learn The Art Of True Giving

There is a huge difference between really giving to another, and giving so you can get something back in return. When we give in order to get something back, (and secretly wait for it and demand it), this is nothing more than manipulation, and it quickly kills our joy. Joy is based upon true giving. When we learn to give truly, it is almost impossible to be upset or sad. The giving itself is its own return.

True giving means, giving with no strings attached. It means giving something to the person that they need or would like, (not something that pleases you). In this form of giving, we take time to really know the person, and become willing to meet their needs. Some fear to give, feeling that they will be drained or stripped bare. The opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. We have a sense of fullness and kindness, which is the basis for the development of joy.

There are many things that can be given besides physical objects. Many people need time, attention, acknowledgment, the chance to be right about something. Make a list of all the things you can give another. Also make a list of the things you'd like someone to give you. In this way you'll start to become more sensitive to what a person is really needing, and how best to give it, so they can receive it easily.

Practice giving freely. Do it in little steps at first. Let the car behind you pass you, let the person go first at the check out counter. Give someone a hand with their bags, open the door for someone at a building. Practice being there for another. The more you do it, the more your joy will grow.

(c) Dr Brenda Shoshanna/2005

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, author of LIVING BY ZEN (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life) http://www.livingbyzen.com, is a psychologist, relationship expert, author and long time Zen practitioner who offers a brand new way of viewing relationships which removes stress and misunderstandings and allows everyonel to win. She is a well known speaker and the author of many books including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, Zen Miracles, Why Men Leave, etc. She has an office in Manhattan, and can be reached at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Find out more about her and her books at http://www.livingbyzen.com, and at her personal website http://www.brendashoshanna.com

In The News:

Hong Kong leader 'sorry' but does not abandon extradition bill amid fury
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 08:57:00 +0100
Hong Kong's leader has appeared in public to offer her "sincere apology" following mass protests against a proposed extradition law, but has not said she will abandon the bill.

Platini detained on suspicion of Qatar World Cup corruption
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 09:20:00 +0100
Former UEFA president and French football legend Michel Platini is being detained for "technical reasons", according to his team.

Stuntman found dead after magic trick in River Ganges goes wrong
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 09:24:00 +0100
The body of an Indian magician who drowned when his Houdini-like escape stunt went wrong has been recovered from the River Ganges.

Two boys, both 14, guilty of murdering teenage girl in Dublin
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 16:59:00 +0100
Two teenagers have been found guilty of the murder of a 14-year-old girl in Dublin.

Bella Hadid apologises to Arab fans for 'insulting' Instagram post
Tue, 18 Jun 2019 15:16:00 +0100
Bella Hadid has been forced to apologise after insulting a number of Middle Eastern fans in a social media post.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships

The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a... Read More

Relationship Advice: Top 2 Secret Ways To Become Irresistibly Magnetic To Your Wife

According to new studies 5 out of 10 marriages will... Read More

Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy?

Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More

Mindfulness and Flirting: Seizing The Moment

Have you ever been called a flirt?Good for you!You see,... Read More

Great Relationships: What to Do When You Have Drifted Apart

Picture, if you will, the following scene:A man and woman,... Read More

The Secret Power of Romance and How It Can Work for You

There are some men who will never understand the importance... Read More

Lobster - The Food Of Romantics

Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes... Read More

Soul Mates ? Finding True Love and Commitment

Finding your true Soul Mate is something that many people... Read More

Fear of a Broken Heart

Dear Candace,I am in the process of getting divorced and... Read More

The Unfairly Judged Professor

An All Too Familiar TaleShe takes her teaching responsibilities seriously;... Read More

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes--Celebrity Romance

Actors Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a hard... Read More

You CAN Improve Your Relationship

It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant... Read More

Three Qualities of a Good Relationship

All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn't... Read More

Noon (A Love Story)

Noon (A Short Love story, dedicated to my wife Rosa)Marina,... Read More

Keep the Fires Burning

The toys are put away, homework's done and the kids... Read More

Relationship Advice: 4 Steps to a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive

You've been in a relationship for quite some time and... Read More

How to Have an Affair - Beware!

People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One

The other day, I was home with my sweet love... Read More

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

Office Nomance

Are Office Romance's really that bad? The answer is ?..it... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

The 4 Deadly Mistakes of Wife Seduction

When a guy gets turned down over and over again... Read More

60 Words and Phrases that Make Men Fall Deeper in Love

The interesting thing about getting the love you deserve is... Read More