Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of 14 years, had just expressed to her that he wanted to end their relationship. Wendy, terrified of being alone, was panicked. Within a few minutes of speaking with her in a phone session, I understood exactly the underlying cause of their relationship problems.

Wendy, coming from a family where she experienced much neglect, had a deep abandonment fear. In her family, Wendy had learned to be a caretaker, giving herself up and taking care of everyone else's feelings and needs. Wendy had learned to put her own feelings in a closet, hoping that if she took care of everyone else, someone would care about her. As an adult, she continued in this pattern, taking care of her husband and children but completely neglecting to take care of herself. As a result, she was often very angry at Terence and her children when they didn't listen to her or approve of her.

People often end up treating us the way we treat ourselves. Because Wendy was treating herself as if she was unimportant, Terence and her children also treated her as if she was unimportant. Because Wendy didn't listen to herself, Terence and her children didn't listen to her. Her fury at Terence and her children for not seeing her or listening to her further alienated them from her. Terence had reached the point where he was no longer willing to be at the other end of Wendy's anger.

Rather than take emotional responsibility for her own well being, Wendy was making Terence and her children emotionally responsible for her. She was abandoning herself, just as her parents had abandoned her, and was expecting Terence to give her what she never received from her parents.

Terence was also not taking emotional responsibility. He had spent much of their marriage trying to make Wendy happy while ignoring his own feelings and needs. He vacillated between compliance and resistance. When he complied, Wendy felt better but he felt terrible from the sense of loss of himself. When he resisted, Wendy felt rejected and became enraged. Terence ended up feeling like he was a victim of Wendy. He blamed her for his misery and felt he no alternative but to leave.

I ended up working with both Wendy and Terence. Through working with the Six Step Inner Bonding process that we teach, Wendy learned to attend to her abandonment feelings herself rather than go after Terence or her children when these feelings came up. She learned that she was being self responsible rather than selfish when she took responsibility for her own feelings of safety, worth, lovability, happiness and joy, rather than making Terence responsible for making her feel safe and worthy. She learned that when she embraced the responsibility of listening to and taking responsibility for her own feelings, she no longer felt abandoned or angry.

Terence learned that he had another option other than compliance or resistance. He learned to take responsibility for his own feelings by telling Wendy his truth when she yelled at him or blamed him. Instead of being a victim, he learned to stand up for himself and set loving limits on how Wendy was treating him. He learned to say, "I don't like being yelled at. I don't want to be with you when you are yelling at me and blaming me for your feelings. If you can't treat me with caring and respect, then I don't want to talk with you or spend time with you. I don't like being with you when you treat me this way."

At first, Terence was reluctant to say these things to Wendy. He didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her his truth. He felt his truth was harsh and that he would be unloving if he said these things. However, when he was willing to take the risk of speaking his truth, he found that Wendy was actually grateful to receive the truth. Rather than getting angry and hurt, she appreciated his honesty, and told him that he was helping her to learn and grow by telling her his truth.

Terence ended up not leaving. Over a period of a year of doing their inner work, their relationship completely changed. In fact, he and Wendy have achieved a new level of love and intimacy in their relationship, beyond what they had when they first fell in love.

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

In The News:

Tenerife hotel popular with Britons is on lockdown over coronavirus
Tue, 25 Feb 2020 09:15:00 +0000
A four-star seafront hotel in Tenerife is in lockdown with hundreds of tourists being tested for coronavirus after an Italian doctor who was staying there was diagnosed with COVID-19.

Iran minister reveals COVID-19 diagnosis after sweating in front of press
Tue, 25 Feb 2020 17:29:00 +0000
The man tasked with tackling the new coronavirus in Iran has himself tested positive for the virus.

'Our new normal': Inside the ghost towns hit by Italy's coronavirus outbreak
Tue, 25 Feb 2020 13:21:00 +0000
The streets are empty, the schools are closed, shutters of restaurants and shops are down. Codogno, the so-called "Wuhan of Italy", is a ghost town.

Julian Assange 'phoned White House to warn of risk to lives'
Tue, 25 Feb 2020 21:36:00 +0000
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange phoned the White House to warn lives would be put in danger by the publication of classified materials, a court has heard.

Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak has died
Tue, 25 Feb 2020 10:48:00 +0000
Egypt's former president Hosni Mubarak, who was toppled in 2011 as part of the country's revolution, has died, according to state television.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Mairi

Mairi came into my life about two years ago. She... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

How We Define Our Relationships?

We can fall into the habit of complaining about our... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Was Betrayed

You are hurt, you are angry, you are simply devastated.Things... Read More

Christmas Gifts Can Be a Cheating Husbands Undoing

Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your... Read More

Is Love Ever In Vain?

All too often you fall in love with someone out... Read More

A Heat-scar Named Desire

Where on earth is my "play on words" taking me... Read More

Great Relationships: 7 Secrets You Must Know to Make It

1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to... Read More

How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!

Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More

Rediscovering Love and Intimacy

Wendy started counseling with me because Terence, her husband of... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

Proper Flower Etiquette

Flowers are great gifts for practically any occasion, but there... Read More

How Not to Compromise With Your Partner

Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend... Read More

Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy?

Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More

Confession of the Egoists!

Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive... Read More

The 4 Deadly Mistakes of Wife Seduction

When a guy gets turned down over and over again... Read More

What is Abuse?

Violence in the family often follows other forms of more... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

When Are You Ready to Move onto a New Relationship?

Breakups can be painful and difficult on so many difficult... Read More

Yellow and Orange Flags in Relationships

It's been said that love is blind. It may also... Read More

Are You Fit To Love?

is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Communicate

In my workshops with couples, I start with this question:"How... Read More

Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?

Do you want to find the "love of your life?"It's... Read More

Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More

Preteen Relationships

Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In... Read More