Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Like Father

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 5, 2004

I was married for 21 years to a man who enjoyed strip clubs, drinking, and his buddies. These things became important to him after we married, and part of his job as an undercover cop. He often brought home pictures of himself with strippers to show me.

Throughout our marriage I took care of our two children, the household, and worked full-time without a contribution from him beside his paycheck. I tried to talk to him because we never spent time together, he did not support me as a wife and mother, and I needed more from him as his wife.

Things did not improve. They continued to deteriorate . Our marriage relationship ceased to exist. Months before I left him, I tried to talk one more time and told him, "If this is all there is, I don't want any more." All he said was, "Stop crying and come to bed."

Seven years ago, when our children were 20 and 17, I left him. I felt they were old enough now. They would better understand that we did not love each other and I stayed because of them. I was also tired of being verbally abused on a regular basis by my son.

My children could not understand my feelings. I was and still am seen as the villain for destroying their "family." Even though I was on my own at the time, my ex-husband told my children he caught me in bed with someone, which was very destructive of my relationship with my children. He also told them that my best friend and I were lesbians.

Neither story was true. To this day my son thinks I was unfaithful to his father and keeps inferring that is why I left and that his father had no fault in the divorce.

I eventually met a wonderful man, and we have been happily married for two years. I love him more than anything, and he loves and respects me like I've never been.

Rachael

Rachael, Harry Chapin's song "Cat's in the Cradle" is about a son who follows his father's not-very-good example. One day, after the father talks on the phone with his son, the older man has a realization. He says, "As I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he'd grown up just like me. Yeah, my boy was just like me."

So you stayed for the children, and you wound up with a son like your husband. All blanket rules have exceptions, and the exception to "stay for the sake of the children" occurs when the other parent's example is a detriment to the child.

As a police officer, your former husband knows better than to destroy a mother's image in the eyes of her children. His lies reveal everything about who he is as a person. Unfortunately, staying bolstered your ex-husband's assertions. How bad a husband could he be if you stayed so long? That's his argument.

Your son's perceptions have been twisted by his father. He may be trying to win his dad's praise by torturing you, or he may be manipulating you into trying to win his love. Or perhaps he is simply acting out of defensiveness. He may think, if mom stayed with someone who abused her because of me, that makes me complicit. I'd rather believe dad's story.

When we do something we believe is wrong for the benefit of others, we cannot expect things to turn out well. A mother teaches a girl what kind of woman to be and what kind of wife to be. A father teaches a boy what kind of man to be and what kind of husband to be.

In Harry Chapin's tune, the son says, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad. You know I'm gonna be like you." That can have wonderful results or disastrous results depending on who we are as parents.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:


Warning: simplexml_load_file() [function.simplexml-load-file]: http://feeds.skynews.com/feeds/rss/world.xml:1: parser error : Document is empty in /home/infob/public_html/includes/rss.php on line 2

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home/infob/public_html/includes/rss.php on line 9


tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Being Mindful of Your Mates Space

SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to... Read More

How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track

Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More

Relationship Tips to Grow Close and Stay Close

Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

Power Struggle!

The greatest asset we have in human existence is our... Read More

How Much Time Do You Invest in Relationship Maintenance?

When starting a new relationship, we usually adopt a subconscious... Read More

Discerning The Loving Heart

How often have you had the experience of connecting with... Read More

Self Truth and Your Relationships

Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true... Read More

You Have to Read Heartbreak Rescue Just For You

"The truth that makes men free is for the most... Read More

Dangerous Relationship?

I will in this article cover some of my own... Read More

Gay Breakups: When the Rainbow Ends

Introduction"It just hit me out of the blue when Mike... Read More

Married and ECheating ? A Dreadful Alliance!

In Homer's Odyssey (a Greek Myth) sailors were lured to... Read More

A Gift From the Heart of a Friend

She stares at me and then closes her eyes. A... Read More

Relationship Arguments - 7 Ways to Heal Past Hurts

Q: I've read that you are never supposed to bring... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Communicate

In my workshops with couples, I start with this question:"How... Read More

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

What Type of a Kisser Are You?

As we all know, there are many types of kiss.... Read More

Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships

Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More

How to Turn Down Invitations Gracefully

All of us occasionally receive social invitations that we don't... Read More

Revenge ? Serve It Cold!

Whether you caught him in bed with the local bimbo,... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1

Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their... Read More

The Fine Art of Flirting

Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks... Read More

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship

It's not working. Your relationship with your partner is not... Read More

Relationship Problems: Solvable or Unsolvable

Every so often, I will hear a relationship speaker claim... Read More