Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Its Your Fault I Had An Affair!

When you read it like that, out of context, you'd be hard pressed to believe that anyone would have the nerve to come up with it as a serious justification for infidelity. Yet film star Jude Law has, allegedly, used this astonishing piece of sleight of mouth to justify a recent fling with his children's nanny.

The sad truth is that he wouldn't be the first; and he won't be the last. Of course, you could argue that it's the kind of excuse you only use as a last resort, but it's not really that simple.

You might think that when someone is skating on such thin ice they might do a little better than that. Even hanging their head, apologising and saying "I don't know what came over me" has to be slightly better than that.

Sure, they may believe it when they lay the blame for their action at their partner's door; that's not the most important point, in any case. What is important is the fact that they genuinely believe they have a real chance of getting their partner to buy into their perspective. They believe it because it's a tactic they have practised many times before, with a good degree of success.

When you stop and think about it, the argument "it's your fault that I did X (or didn't do Y)" is not only laughable, it's playground stuff. It's not unlike the small child who trips, falls over and then turns to someone standing some distance away and says: "You made me fall over." The same question, "How do you work that one out?" hangs heavy in the air.

The behaviour of one person may trigger an emotional response in another. But particularly in the case of chronological adults, people old enough to take responsibility and major decisions for themselves, they alone are responsible for their own actions.

Feeling aggrieved because they don't consider their partner is sufficiently available to them does not exempt them from responsibility for their philandering. Feeling angry because either their partner has failed to do something for them, or else has committed some misdemeanour, such as crashing the car or being in any way 'provoking', does not justify whatever course of behaviour they choose to adopt.

It's all about accountability. Adults are accountable for their own actions. There are no special dispensations from accountability because someone has upset or riled you. You are entitled to your feelings. But you're not entitled to pursue a destructive course of action so as to avoid addressing difficult feelings.

Except that some people are remarkably good at getting their partner and/or family to believe that there are dispensations; that they are a special case. These people are singularly adept at dumping blame at their partner's door. Generally, the partner will pick it up, more or less meekly, and sweep it under the carpet. They'll even make a point of acknowledging how the bad behaviour was triggered by their shortcoming.

Often, even after they have got out, they'll still believe that they were somehow to blame. It's one of the reasons they keep going back. They're seduced by the abject, loving apologies they hear and the misguided belief that if they only work a little harder at the relationship, they'll be able to stop it happening again. And then they'll live happily ever after.

After all, it will be their fault if they can't live happily ever after with the erstwhile philanderer, drunk, bully or emotional vampire, or whatever, who's never to blame for their actions. By continuing in the relationship the partner who assumes the full burden of responsibility tacitly colludes with the accuser.

It remains to be seen whether Sienna Miller will patch up her relationship with Jude Law. Many women in a similar situation do; and are surprised when it happens again.

Things only change for the better if something inside the relationship shifts. That shift occurs when both partners accept accountability for their own feelings and favour communication rather than blame as a way of resolving difficulties.

C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women build strong boundaries so they can attract the relationships they desire. To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to

In The News:

Warning: simplexml_load_file() [function.simplexml-load-file]: parser error : Document is empty in /home/infob/public_html/includes/rss.php on line 2

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home/infob/public_html/includes/rss.php on line 9

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Feel Like a (Romantic) Kid Again

If the start of the school year makes you a... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive

I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy... Read More

The Five Second Flirt Technique

The first thing you want to do is to get... Read More

Destroyers of Relationships

Communication and listening is very important in any relationship. For... Read More

Why Some Women Are Desperate

I asked Dave how he was doing since it was... Read More

Picking Up The Pieces

"My feelings have changed," my boyfriend of five years told... Read More

Healing The Mid-Life Love Crisis

All I wanted was to fall in love and live... Read More

How To Make Hooking Up With Your Ex More Thrilling Than It Ever Was Before!

Now I really have seen everything.The other day, I saw... Read More

Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships

One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their... Read More

Gay and Lesbian Relationships

America has a reluctance to accept relationships between people of... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?

Do you want to find the "love of your life?"It's... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

How To (Wo)man Your Boundaries

The first time I ever heard "boundaries" mentioned, it was... Read More

How To Develop A Grateful Mind

There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

How To Open Up While Staying Safe

When you've had your heart broken in a relationship, it... Read More

Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?

Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now.... Read More

Holy Mantrimony

In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine... Read More

Who Should Relocate In A Long Distance Relationship?

My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

What Men Hate in Women

Without wasting much time, here are some of the personality... Read More

How To Support Friends and Loved Ones Through an Abusive Relationship

This is a question that comes up a lot. It's... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More