Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

He Said, She Heard: Communication Meltdown within Relationship

It starts young, as babies. We learn communication from our parents starting with single words--mama, dada, we add adjectives, big boy, nice kitty. And even though we learn, and speak, the same language--English, French, German--we also learn sub-languages, languages that may differ so greatly we clog communication as if speaking to a foreigner, or worse. With a foreigner we expect to not understand. We assume we understand with someone speaking our own language.

It starts like this: Two households on the same street. Billy in the first house, Susie in the second house, both are a year old. And both have a pet.

In the first house, behind four walls and a closed door, Billy sits on the rug with his little furry Buddy as his dad exclaims daily, "damn dog, damn dog, damn dog."

In the second house, behind four walls and a closed door, every time young Susie looks at her Belle, mama says, "cute puppy, cute puppy, cute puppy."

Now, twenty years later Billy and Susie get married. They get their first dog and have a very different vocabulary to describe the very same dog. Hopefully Susie can stand to hear Billy call her little Ralphy, "damn dog," and Billy can stand Susie addressing his rough, tough, best friend, "cute puppy."

Amongst relationships, we seem to always run into, "you said this," " but, I meant that." "No, you said this, and it means such and such." "That doesn't mean such and such, I just meant such." "Impossible!" Communication meltdown due to different sub-languages.

Some words hold more or less impact than others. We may be desensitized to certain words and we may hold deep meaning in others. Here's another example of a communication breakdown by a couple named Said and Heard.

He wrote the hefty check and said, "dang house payment." She stood in her gourmet kitchen and heard, "dang house payment." Now if these two take for granted they understand each other, Said will go on with life as normal, only a bit irritated as he'd like to take a vacation instead of spending the necessary money on a mortgage payment. And Heard, not knowing this was about a vacation, assumes it's about the fact she chose such a large house. Heard will walk around with bitterness, worry, and other such emotions which will effect her state of being. Said will wonder what her problem is and if days have passed Said won't understand what Heard is mad about.

They will then fight about minor things that have transpired over these few days, how he wiped his brow and sighed after cutting the large lawn, and she shakes her head and says, "you really hate it here don't you?"

Said asks, "What are you talking about? I don't hate it here." Heard won't believe it, they will fight, and have a hard time tracing it back to the original comment. Or if they do, Said will say, "that was so last week," when yes, it was last week, but now the single comment of "dang house payment" has magnetically caught little shavings of lead--the wipe of a brow, the sigh--all week, and this one comment grows heavier and heavier until "dang house payment" is just too heavy for Heard to bear. This could easily be solved by communicating the emotion a word or phrase causes the moment it is heard or said. Heard should have looked up in her gourmet kitchen, and said, "What does dang house payment mean? What are you saying?" Said would reply, "I can use a vacation, but we need somewhere to live, don't we?" Heard nods with a smile.

The word "pathetic" doesn't carry much weight for me, it is a nice word I would maybe use to describe myself if I were to lay around on the couch all day and do nothing, yet if I were to use this very same word to describe myself when speaking to a certain friend of mine she would assume I was suicidal and consider calling the police to rescue me. This word carries much more meaning with her.

If my boyfriend were to tell me I'm mentally unstable without telling me he's just referring to my PMS state at the moment, I may assume he thinks I belong in an insanity ward somewhere, locked up forever. And we will fight. The words "mentally unstable" carry a heavier meaning for me.

How important it is to communicate as well as analyze our sub communication. Tell each other, because you said this, I feel that. Ask each other, was what you said intended to make me feel this? Could I take your such and such to mean such? And if the answer is no, believe it, understand, and explain it, so the next time won't be so bad. You'll grow to understand each other along with each others speaking styles and a sweet little communicating river will flow.

Tiffany Twist is the author of two books, TIFFANY TWISTED: exposed, unraveled, rewritten (June 2004 by et al Publishing) and SOME DANCE: Hey bartender, I'll take a decade of marriage on the rocks, a therapist straight up, and a fantasy guy with a twist (April 2005 by et al Publishing) and can be contacted through her web site, http://www.tiffanytwist.com.

In The News:

British tourist 'killed and another hurt in Argentina robbery'
Sat, 14 Dec 2019 19:21:00 +0000
A British tourist has been killed and another was seriously hurt after they were shot in a suspected robbery in Argentina, says local media.

'10,000' join biggest protest in Thailand since 2014 military coup
Sat, 14 Dec 2019 15:34:00 +0000
A reported 10,000 supporters of a Thai opposition party which could be banned by authorities have taken to the streets in the country's biggest protest since a 2014 military coup.

Caddie for top golfer banned after 'shoving' spectator
Sat, 14 Dec 2019 18:48:00 +0000
A caddie for one of the world's top golfers has been banned for the rest of the Presidents Cup after pushing a spectator in Melbourne.

Arsenal distances itself from Mesut Ozil post criticising China
Sat, 14 Dec 2019 09:40:00 +0000
Arsenal has distanced itself from comments made by its star midfielder Mesut Ozil about the plight of Uighur Muslims.

Nepal wants army deal reviewed before UK can recruit female Gurkhas
Sat, 14 Dec 2019 10:23:00 +0000
Nepal wants to review a military deal allowing the British army to enlist its citizens - before the UK is able to recruit Gurkha women for the first time.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

How Compatible Are You and Your Partner?

What are the things you argue about? Where are the... Read More

Charisma, Love and Health

This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More

Better Than Help

One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family... Read More

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More

Infidelity: Difference Between a Rage and Revenge Affair

The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free... Read More

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or... Read More

What?s Special About Abused Women?

Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By... Read More

Loves All About Chemistry

People who have been swept off their feet know the... Read More

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways

WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More

Defining Relationship Commitment for Todays Couples

WHAT IS COMMITMENT?The question of when a relationship is committed... Read More

Catch a Cheating Lover?

Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at... Read More

Bedroom Treason

Just a note to ask if there are other married... Read More

Sad Scientific Facts About Love

Disaster results when we see women trying to change a... Read More

Does a Woman Want a Strong Christian Man?

Most women say they want a strong religious man who... Read More

Confession of the Egoists!

Hamlet has given this generation an awfully amazing and defensive... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Apologize and Forgive

I'm sorry can be words that are much too easy... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold

Everything was great.We had been dating for 6 months. We... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

What Every Woman Should Know About Men and Romance

Men and women think differently about romance.Men are goal-oriented. They... Read More

Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life

What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There... Read More

Lobster - The Food Of Romantics

Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes... Read More