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Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. The resolution comes only by walking through the conflict and not around it.

There is so much that can cause conflict, everything from the big five:

1. money

2. sex

3. children

4. in-laws

5. religion

all the way to the proper way to wash and dry dishes.

While conflict can be incredibly painful, a crucial point to keep in mind is that much of conflict springs from unmet emotional needs.

Let's illustrate this point with a couple I have worked with on this particular issue. One of her primary emotional needs is to feel secure. When she feels insecure, she act aggressively and angrily. One of her partner's primary emotional needs is to feel appreciated. When he feels unappreciated, he behaves irresponsibly, usually spending too much money. In the past, this set up quite a vicious cycle for the couple.

This time the issue was money. Next time it could be about something else. The real conflict is about unmet emotional needs.

What this couple has learned to do to break this cycle is simply ask some questions early on in the pattern. He has learned to ask 'What are you feeling scared about?' She has learned to ask, 'In what ways are you feeling unappreciated?'

By asking questions about unmet emotional needs, many conflicts can be resolved, and even better, avoided altogether.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

Trump: Britain should take back Islamic State fighters
Sun, 17 Feb 2019 03:53:00 +0000
Donald Trump has called on Britain and other European allies to take back more than 800 Islamic State fighters captured in Syria and put them on trial.

IS 'decimated' and down to last mile of territory - Pence
Sat, 16 Feb 2019 10:50:00 +0000
The Islamic State caliphate has been "decimated" and the last mile of IS-controlled territory in Syria is being captured by American-backed forces, says US vice president Mike Pence.

'I don't trust anyone': The British women who married IS jihadis
Fri, 15 Feb 2019 17:28:00 +0000
Reema Iqbal is talking to us from behind the plastic sheeting which marks the tented area which is now her home in Roj camp in northeast Syria.

IS teen bride: 'A lot of people should have sympathy for me'
Sun, 17 Feb 2019 10:42:00 +0000
IS bride Shamima Begum has told Sky News "a lot of people should have sympathy" for her as she spoke of her wish to return to the UK.

'She sounded unrepentant': When Sky News tracked down Shamima
Sun, 17 Feb 2019 21:53:00 +0000
We had just about given up in the al-Hawl displacement camp in northeastern Syria.



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