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Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In working with couples I have found that it's the successful resolution of the conflict that strengthens the couple's bond and brings them closer together. The resolution comes only by walking through the conflict and not around it.

There is so much that can cause conflict, everything from the big five:

1. money

2. sex

3. children

4. in-laws

5. religion

all the way to the proper way to wash and dry dishes.

While conflict can be incredibly painful, a crucial point to keep in mind is that much of conflict springs from unmet emotional needs.

Let's illustrate this point with a couple I have worked with on this particular issue. One of her primary emotional needs is to feel secure. When she feels insecure, she act aggressively and angrily. One of her partner's primary emotional needs is to feel appreciated. When he feels unappreciated, he behaves irresponsibly, usually spending too much money. In the past, this set up quite a vicious cycle for the couple.

This time the issue was money. Next time it could be about something else. The real conflict is about unmet emotional needs.

What this couple has learned to do to break this cycle is simply ask some questions early on in the pattern. He has learned to ask 'What are you feeling scared about?' She has learned to ask, 'In what ways are you feeling unappreciated?'

By asking questions about unmet emotional needs, many conflicts can be resolved, and even better, avoided altogether.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

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President Donald Trump, a man who talks so often about the importance of being treated respectfully, will not have enjoyed the spontaneous giggles erupting from diplomats and heads of state as he addressed the UN.

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Tue, 25 Sep 2018 19:12:00 +0100
Television actor Bill Cosby has been jailed for up to a decade for sexually assaulting a woman in 2004.

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Hundreds of daily attacks as corpses 'left rotting under rubble'
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The intensity of a Russia-backed assault on a former rebel stronghold in Syria using suspected chemical weapons and cluster bombs has been laid bare in a new report.

Trump: Top court pick is 'one of the highest quality people'
Tue, 25 Sep 2018 18:16:00 +0100
Donald Trump has again backed Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh over a claim of sexual assault, describing him as "one of the highest quality people".



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