Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Bring Back the Cilice Belt

Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt to popular attention. Silas, Brown's tonsured hit man in "The Da Vinci Code", wears one and also flagellates himself with The Discipline, a knotted rope. The image of this tall, albino monk performing 'corporal mortification' is a shocking one that stays with the reader.

Curiously, it was the image that sprang to mind yesterday when I was talking with a woman about the issues she is facing right now. Yvette (not her real name) is not, fortunately, at risk physically, but the situation in which she lives is spiralling out of control.

Her emotional world is becoming increasingly tortured and intolerable. And because she objects to various behaviours that she senses to be fundamentally wrong, she is being blamed. She is constantly being told that her attitude, rather than the behaviours, are the source of the problem.

Yvette is desperate to manage a dysfunctional situation and remain in control of her life. Her dilemma is this: if the behaviours are unacceptable then she is vindicated? but powerless. Because they are not going to change. If her attitude is to blame, then she is, clearly, losing her grip on the situation but, theoretically at least, she has the power to improve things.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you?

Reassurance doesn't work terribly well in a situation like this, because if Yvette is right, then the situation must be worse even than she likes to think. (Actually, it's a perfect no win situation for her, because if the opposite is true and the behaviours are ok, to her that signifies she must be spiralling into mental illness.)

And so it was that I suggested to her that she get a cilice belt and a Discipline and ritually flagellate herself. I said this not because I don't care about her situation and would wish any more pain on her. I care very much and would dearly love her to be spared any further pain.

Precisely because I care, I wanted to give her a response she could work with. Reassurance wasn't going to do that for more than about 5 minutes.

She met my suggestion with stunned silence. Then she started to laugh. The image was so grotesque that it was funny. And as she laughed she translated it into terms that were meaningful to her. Suddenly she could visualise what she had been doing, unintentionally, and it became repellent to her.

Words are tremendously powerful. Words have the power to shackle and enslave you. The right words also have the power to set you on the path back to freedom and wholeness.

C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of bad relationships, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future. To contact Annie email: annie@joyfulcoaching.com

For more information and free resources go to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

NOTE: You're free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

In The News:

'Little change' in Zimbabwe since historic election
Sun, 23 Sep 2018 01:18:00 +0100
When Emmerson Mnangagwa pushed long-time friend and fellow revolutionary Robert Mugabe out of the Zimbabwean presidency last year, he promised to deliver far-reaching political and economic reforms to a tired, run-down nation.

My house was burned down because of my views
Thu, 20 Sep 2018 17:13:00 +0100
Zimbabwe's electoral commission denied there was any interference in the country's first elections since Robert Mugabe stood down last year, despite accusations to the contrary.

Demolition of village 'ethnic cleansing', say Palestinians
Fri, 21 Sep 2018 14:38:00 +0100
The Palestinian chief negotiator says the planned demolition of a Bedouin village in the occupied West Bank amounts to "ethnic cleansing".

Sharks killed after Great Barrier Reef attacks
Sun, 23 Sep 2018 04:46:00 +0100
Two sharks have been killed after a woman and a girl were attacked within 24 hours of each other at the same tourist spot in the Great Barrier Reef.

Pirates kidnap 12 crew from Swiss ship off Nigeria
Sat, 22 Sep 2018 21:01:00 +0100
Pirates have kidnapped 12 people from a Swiss merchant vessel off the coast of Nigeria.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

True Friendships - How to Get True Friends and Friendships

True Friendship - RecognitionHow can we find true friendships in... Read More

How to Spot a Cheater

Is your man the cheating type? Here are some clues... Read More

Forgiveness

"The important thing to remember when it comes to forgiving... Read More

Universal Laws for Couples

The Law of Connection: Spouses are either growing closer or... Read More

27 Characteristics of Loving Men

Every woman dreams of meeting that special man that knows... Read More

Are You Codependent or Independent?

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our... Read More

Lobster - The Food Of Romantics

Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes... Read More

What Is Love And The Love Equation

What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More

Soul Mate Myths

But the cold truth is that most people have never... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Create a Nag-Free Zone

Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that... Read More

How To Support Friends and Loved Ones Through an Abusive Relationship

This is a question that comes up a lot. It's... Read More

Prison Wife: Stand By Your Man

There are approximately 2 million men in the prison system... Read More

What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot To Cold

Everything was great.We had been dating for 6 months. We... Read More

The Evolution of Love

Songs have been saying it for generations together. Ask anyone... Read More

Fight, Flight, or Loving Action

Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When... Read More

Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair

Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More

The Spiritual Connection of True Romance

In the springtime, with the flowers budding and the birds... Read More

Being Mindful of Your Mates Space

SOMETIMES I'LL ask a couple I'm seeing in therapy to... Read More

The Secret of Relationship Success

With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%,... Read More

Your Relationships Begin With You

As a single male in my mid-twenties, I find myself... Read More

How to Use Humor to Improve Your Relationships

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More

Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others

As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More

10 Clues of an Online Affair

1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. Who... Read More

Relationship Advice: Closeness and Connection

In my work with couples, certain themes have emerged that... Read More

Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life

What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There... Read More