Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Marriage Counseling: What to Do When a Spouse Flirts Too Much

When Alicia first met Tim, she found him outgoing, charming, and easy to talk to. She thought he was very witty and funny, always the life of the party with everyone gathered around him. Yes, he flirted a lot, but while he was talking, he'd turn to wink at her, take her hand, or put his arm around her shoulder as he continued talking.

But sometime in the two years following their marriage, Alicia started feeling differently about Tim's extraverted side. It seemed to her that he was flirting too much and too blatantly while she sat on the sidelines, feeling left out. Most of the time, Tim didn't even introduce Alicia as his wife. If Alicia said anything to Tim about her feelngs, he told her that she was over-reacting. As she became increasingly more hurt, resentful, and withdrawn, the emotional climate in the marrige cooled considerably, and the marriage became less satisfying for both of them. Neither one knew what to do.

Flirting on the part of a spouse causes marriage problems for numerous couples. And it can at times be difficult to distinguish between a spouse with an extraverted personality who just naturally likes to joke and kid around versus the partner who is continually "on the make."

Flirting behavior has varying causes. If you have known your partner for a long time and have never had any reason to believe he or she has cheated on you, then you are probably married to an extravert who has a flirty personality. This can still be annoying and frustrating, but at least you basically know what you're dealing with.

Spouses can also engage in flirting to meet their own emotional needs such as feeling liked, being popular, or being thought of as funny, entertaining, attractive, or sexy. Excessive flirting can be a sign of someone who is trying too hard to attract and keep attention focused on himself or herself because they are needy emotionally.

Flirting can also be a passive-aggressive way of getting even with a partner. The spouse may have felt rejected sexually and emotionally, so the flirting can be a message to the partner to shape up or risk losing the marriage. It can also be an attempt to get the spouse's attention, hoping to make him or her jealous and bring about an increase in the marital passion.

And, of course, consistent excessive flirting can be a sign of someone with a sexual addiction who is constantly on the prowl looking for his or her next sexual contact and conquest. A spouse in this category needs professional help from an addictions counselor, but the help won't be effective unless the person wants to be helped.

So what can you do about your spouse's flirtatious ways? one of the steps you can take is to write a letter outlining your feelings. In the case of Alicia and Tim mentioned in the opening paragraphs, Alicia could tell Tim how much the fact that he doesn't introduce her to others as his wife hurts her feelings. She could ask for him to include her in the conversations, to put his arm around her, to hold her hand, or to turn and smile at her occasionally. That way she is telling him some things he could do to lessen her anxiety and distress.

Another thing Alicia could do is to become more assertive about speaking up, becoming a part of the conversation when Tim is flirting, and letting people know that she's Tim's wife. If Tim says, "This is Alicia" when introducing her, Alicia could say, "Nice to meet you. I'm Tim's wife." Note that I'm not advocating that Alicia follow Tim around or try to "catch" him in flirting behavior-that's a recipe for disaster. But I am suggesting that when she is already present, she can casually drop into conversation that she and Tim are married, such as "It's fun to have such a witty husband! Tim has always been able to make me laugh."

Don't get into an argument about whether you are over-reacting to your spouse's flirting. Say upfront that you realize the two of you have differing perceptions and you're not accusing him of doing anything wrong. You just know that if you don't share your feelings and feel heard you may have resentments and hurt feelings that build up and eventually harm the marriage. You want to feel that your spouse has really listened to your concerns, that your spouse cares about your feelings, and that your spouse is willing to try some new behaviors that will provide you the reassurance you need.

You could also suggest that the two of you see a marriage counselor if the letter writing and talking don't accomplish what you want. If your spouse is still convinced that the only thing that needs to change is for you to be more accepting of the flirting behavior, then marriage counseling could help. When suggesting counseling, you might need to focus on wanting to get advice from the counselor to help you make the changes you need to. If you focus on wanting to get your spouse to a counselor so he or she will change, your attempts will probably fall flat.

The bottom line is that spouses who love each other and are in a healthy marriage will want to listen to their partner, take their feelings into consideration, and take steps to improve communication and intimacy. Showing consistent disrespect and disregard for a partner's feelings and perceptions indicates there are serious marriage problems lurking beneath the excessive flirting behavior-and it's time to seek professional help.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

In The News:

Hong Kong protesters abseil from bridge to escape police siege
Sun, 17 Nov 2019 16:55:00 +0000
Protesters in Hong Kong have abseiled down from a bridge outside a besieged university campus in a bid to escape from police.

How long will China tolerate embarrassing protests?
Mon, 18 Nov 2019 13:26:00 +0000
China has accused the UK and US of interfering in the internal affairs of Hong Kong as authorities struggle to contain months of protests in the city.

Girl, 15, dies after bridge collapses into river in France
Mon, 18 Nov 2019 18:46:00 +0000
A 15-year-old girl and a lorry driver have been killed after a bridge collapsed into a river in southwestern France, officials have said.

India's Tata Steel to slash 3,000 jobs in Europe - report
Mon, 18 Nov 2019 16:50:00 +0000
Tata Steel is planning to cut around 3,000 jobs in Europe, with over half in the Netherlands, a source has told Reuters.

Girl, 15, dies in suspension bridge collapse
Mon, 18 Nov 2019 11:16:00 +0000
A 15-year-old girl has died after a suspension bridge in Toulouse collapsed.

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Be Thankful for a Faithful Husband

If your husband is faithful, you have much to be... Read More

Selecting the Perfect Wedding Gift for the Bride and Groom

One of the most memorable days in our lives is... Read More

The SURGE of the URGE!

Have you ever heard the expression, "The Urge to Merge"?It... Read More

How To Choose The Right Wedding Bouquet Style

Basically, there are three wedding bouquet styles. The cascade, round... Read More

Were Engaged!

He's popped the question and you're dying to tell someone.... Read More

What Goes Into Wedding Preparation From Your DJ?

Exactly what should your disc jockey be doing in the... Read More

Your Wedding Flowers - What Are Your Choices?

Your wedding flowers usually tie to your wedding theme. When... Read More

Cheap Wedding Favors

Planning a wedding of any size or budget can have... Read More

Tips For A Lasting Marriage

My parents gave me this advice about marriage. They have... Read More

Choosing a Wedding Date ?- When You?re Feeling Indecisive

He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in... Read More

Cheating Wives - Play with Your Lives!

Many wives cheat on their husbands. This could be due... Read More

Invitation Anatomy 101 - Optional Components - Part 2 of 3

Hopefully, you've read my prerequisite lesson "Invitation Anatomy 101 ?... Read More

Get Fantastic Deals on Catering for Your Wedding

When it comes to your catering services for your wedding,... Read More

Anniversary Gifts and Perfumes

How many times has your anniversary come around and you... Read More

3 Steps to Marrying the Right Person

Marrying for love, financial security and/or companionship does not guarantee... Read More

Save the Date Etiquette: Everything You Need To Know

Save the Date Cards are announcements that inform your guests... Read More

Reception to do List for an Outdoor Reception

You have to start with a thorough to do list... Read More

8 Questions Brides Ask About Setting up a Wedding Registry

In theory, setting up a registry is simple. You decide... Read More

Get Organized for Wedding Planning!

You've had friends to your home for dinner. Maybe you've... Read More

Marriage Counseling Tips: What to Do When Your Spouse Wont Talk

How to get a spouse's attention so that he or... Read More

Meaningful Wedding Gift Ideas

A wedding is one of the most special days planned... Read More

Las Vegas Wedding Chapels

In Las Vegas, once you get your marriage license you... Read More

Wedding Music

What should you "walk down the aisle" to? Should you... Read More

Choosing the Wedding Disc Jockey

Your wedding day is the day when all the details... Read More

Wedding Cake - Bakery Tips

Wedding cake bakeries will have a cake portfolio to look... Read More