Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Pride Goeth

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 25, 2002

My boyfriend's daughter (I'll call her Mary) got married six months ago. She is 19 and pregnant. My boyfriend (I'll call him John) didn't go to the wedding because he disapproved of her husband and the marriage.

The reason he gave for not attending was it would make him a hypocrite in front of his other children if he went. This caused a huge rift between John and Mary, and they have not spoken since the wedding. Before this they were very close, talking almost every day.

Mary's baby is due any day now. I told Mary it would be a shame not to allow her baby a chance to know its grandfather. She said John could see the baby if he wanted, but she is unwilling to make the first move.

I talked to John this morning and told him I think they are both stubborn as donkeys. John is firm on his stance, saying it is a matter of principle. He says by not compromising he is able to sleep at night. I am not sure John is using the term "principle" correctly, since I don't understand what principle this involves.

The dictionary defines a principle as a rule of conduct, or something which is important. In my opinion establishing communication with Mary wouldn't compromise his principles, since it seems his objective was not alienating his daughter but boycotting the wedding. Is there some principle involved here?


Trina, when you are a parent, all you can do is get your children to a certain point. After that they are on their own. Parents are not like pear trees, putting out only pear seeds. Humans are free to follow a different course. Wisely or not, Mary can decide who she marries.

She married a man John dislikes, and she is pregnant. That's a fact, not a principle. As a parent, John punished Mary by not attending the wedding. It was a harsh punishment. Girls dream of walking down the aisle on their father's arm, and Mary has no wedding pictures with her dad in them.

After you punish a child, you move on. You don't punish them again and again for the same offense. Whatever John's pride required should have been satisfied. All the rest is revenge. The only principle here is anger. John is angry his authority over Mary was undermined.

For the sake of vanity he is ready to create a permanent rift in the family. On birthdays, holidays and other occasions the family won't be together as a unit, and in a short time, the repercussions of his actions may be too far advanced to reverse.

If John cannot behave himself around Mary and her husband, it is best not to be around them. But the principle he violates is placing pride above love.

Wayne & Tamara

Looking Forward

I am involved in a relationship for the past seven years. Recently I asked my partner what his future plans are for us. His answer was, "I don't know." Am I wasting my time?


Nadine, if you have to approach the topic of marriage so gingerly, you already know the answer. If your partner wanted to make things permanent, you wouldn't need to ask.

It's hard to walk away from a casino table when you've been losing. You naturally want to win back what you've lost. You lost three years, then four, and now seven. It's time to walk away.

He's had the benefits, and you've taken the loss. He hasn't given you the one thing you want. Chances are he has known for a long time he doesn't want to make you his wife.

You will learn a lesson if you end this relationship on your own terms. You will have learned not to let things drag on with someone who doesn't have those feelings which add up to marriage.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:

In The News:

Scrapping for food to survive: Inside the frontline of Yemen's war
Mon, 18 Feb 2019 16:09:00 +0000
Yemen's warring parties have agreed to withdraw their forces from Hodeidah - providing fresh hope for the fragile ceasefire in the city.

Hunt for Briton and his friend after belongings found on beach
Tue, 19 Feb 2019 01:56:00 +0000
A British man has gone missing from a popular beach north of Sydney in Australia.

Great white sharks could help cure cancer in humans
Tue, 19 Feb 2019 00:00:00 +0000
Great white sharks could help scientists to discover a cure for cancer in humans thanks to their huge and extraordinary genome.

Senators may investigate 'coup' to remove Trump
Mon, 18 Feb 2019 09:28:00 +0000
An investigation may take place into claims senior officials discussed whether Donald Trump could be removed from office.

British tourists 'stocking up on euros' as Brexit looms, figures suggest
Mon, 18 Feb 2019 11:33:00 +0000
Britons are stocking up on euros ahead of Brexit, new figures suggest.

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Lewis And Clark Pay Attention

As I write this Southern California has just ended its... Read More

A Life Touched

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 17,... Read More

Go Between

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16,... Read More

Things Happen Without Reason

Sometimes things happen in life for apparently no reason at... Read More

Anamchara - Making Sense of Life

Many successful persons advise you start your day with a... Read More

Surefire Ways to Develop a Thankful Attitude

Spend some time thinking about how good you have it.... Read More

You Dont Find All Drunks in the Gutter: The Story of a Functional Alcoholic!

Today, August 22, 2005, I am clean and sober for... Read More

Attaining Financial Freedom

Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend... Read More

Harsh Reality

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 25,... Read More

Lesson Learned

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9,... Read More

Create 10 Delightful Daily Habits

Practising extreme self-care in our life involves practising good "daily"... Read More

He Who Laughs...Lasts---Where Has All The Laughter Gone?

I love to watch people at airports, malls and even... Read More

Best Friends

Do you ever need to have your batteries "re-charged", or... Read More

Aim High

Change is difficult for many people. Often times our whole... Read More

Giving Life Meaning

Have you thought about what you want people to say... Read More

Giving It Your Best - The William Hung American Idol Success Story

Never underestimate the power that comes from following your passion.... Read More

Re-Developing Your Vision

One of the most important things we can do for... Read More

My Lost Immortality

Oh my God, I'm not immortal anymore! What happened? Where's... Read More

Does Your Childhood Hold You Back?

Have you come to a point in your life and... Read More

Words That Can Leave You Powerless

The lines below come from this weeks mind treatment, written... Read More

How You Can Change Your Destiny

The outer conditions of a person's life will always be... Read More

Conscious Living

Earlier this year, following an intention to live more consciously,... Read More

Its The Journey, Not The Destination

Don't you just hate clich├ęs like the one illustrated in... Read More

Are You Tired of Being Stuck?

All you want is a little more.More money, more love,... Read More

The Nature of Anger

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More