Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

A Bad Move

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 7, 2003

My husband is a wonderful man, we are in our thirties, well-educated and fairly affluent. However, his mother has been a stumbling block in our relationship from the start.

While we dated, I thought I would surprise him on his birthday with dinner at a swanky restaurant and a movie. I dolled up in a black velvet dress, hair and make-up just right, and he was dressed up, too. Before leaving, he asked to stop off and check on his mother. She was in a sweat suit, knit cap, house dress and tennis shoes. She looked like a bag lady.

To make a long story short, she pitched a fit to go with us. I should have figured it out then, but I kept thinking things would change. They haven't. She belittles me and is very demanding of my husband's time. He sees her during his lunch hour, spends 45 minutes each night on the phone with her, and includes her in our weekend errands.

This gal could give a good shrink enough work to buy several Mercedes. Talking to her is out of the question. I could reason with a doorknob more effectively. To make matters worse, we are moving next door to his parent's home and adopting our first child in a few months.

I feel myself becoming more distant from my husband. I'm thinking about throwing myself into my small business, becoming more involved in the community, and doing church activities to carve out a life for myself away from him and his mother.


Monique, you're moving next door? Did you have a say in this? That can only give you more of what you didn't want in the first place. If she is bad now, wait until your mother-in-law has her son's child nearby.

Dealing with this woman is like a deep-sea fisherman playing a large fish. You need to keep a constant drag on the reel and never permit slack in the line. Without your husband's help, it will be impossible.

It is time to tell your husband to choose between you and your child, and his mommy. In choosing you, he can have you and his mom--his mom within reason and you completely. In choosing his mom, that is all he will ever have because she does not want him to have anyone else.


Bare Bones

My in-laws live 20 yards away. My mother-in-law is in our home every single day. Last Sunday while the children were away, my mother-in-law walked in the door, found my husband walking around nude, and they had a great laugh. She stayed for an hour drinking wine. She knew what she walked into because I told her why we sent the children out.

I begged my husband to move away three years ago. He said for the first time in his life his parents have finally accepted him, so how could he leave? As you can imagine, his parents managed to take away a huge trust fund his grandfather left him.

I support the family, and my mother-in-law says this is how it should be. She says, "The working class has always supported the aristocracy." I am exhausted and feel fat and ugly, though I am not. I realize there is not much you can say other than think of yourself and your children, and get out.


Adeline, in Ernest Hemingway's "The Old Man and The Sea," an old fisherman catches a huge fish and lashes it to the side of his skiff. As he sails home, sharks attack and tear off great chunks of flesh. He is powerless to prevent it. By the time he reaches port, there is nothing left of his great fish but the head, bill, and backbone.

Life with an emotionally dependent husband gives you only the skeleton of marriage without the substance of marriage.


About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:

In The News:

Sri Lanka: Emergency powers imposed after bomb attacks
Sun, 21 Apr 2019 05:26:00 +0100
Emergency powers will come into force in Sri Lanka from midnight on Monday, following a series of bomb attacks on Easter Sunday.

Comedian wins Ukraine presidential election - exit poll
Sun, 21 Apr 2019 18:14:00 +0100
Comedian Volodymyr Zelenskiy has won Ukraine's presidential election with 73% of the vote, according to an exit poll.

British aid worker shot dead by kidnappers in Nigeria
Sun, 21 Apr 2019 21:23:00 +0100
Kidnappers in Nigeria have shot dead a British woman and a Nigerian man, and abducted three others, officials have said.

Dangerous days in Sudan after leadership talks break down
Sun, 21 Apr 2019 23:45:00 +0100
Huge protests have been taking place in Sudan, with demonstrators demanding that the military hands power to civilians.

Tesla investigating after video shows car exploding
Mon, 22 Apr 2019 11:06:00 +0100
Tesla is urgently investigating a video that appears to show one of its cars exploding in a Shanghai car park.

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Anamcara - The Blessing of Peace

"Come out of the circle of time and into... Read More

7 Keys for Joyful Living!

Here are some thoughts for finding and experiencing joy in... Read More

Are You Afraid of Change?

Change, no matter how you cut it, can certainly be... Read More

Lessons Learned Hard

Many of us seek consolation in the words of Frank... Read More


It is hard to capture the synchronicity of this next... Read More

Discernment and Judgement

Discernment is an inner guide or compass. It is loving... Read More

Food for Thought

We all love picnics. They represent a fun time as... Read More

Why Buddhism Succeeds - The Right Thing is the Thing to do

The ongoing teachings are exemplified in an understanding and execution... Read More

Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?

We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in... Read More

Anam Cara - Losing your Religion

I am sitting before a window of morning light "losing... Read More

Go Between

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16,... Read More

The Amazing Power of the Human Will

The human will is the most incredible thing. I believe... Read More

The Bright Side of Loneliness

Recently a romantic relationship came to an end and I... Read More

Sixty-Second Caring

"How are you doing?" you ask. There's a pause before... Read More

The Road Not Taken

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 24,... Read More

Inspirations: Even More Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far

Some people live in and talk about the past so... Read More

Three Bricklayers

The story of the three bricklayers has been around for... Read More

The Shattered Identity

I. ExpositionIn the movie "Shattered" (1991), Dan Merrick survives an... Read More

For Inspiration Watch a Kite Fly Against the Wind

Given a steady wind and a properly balanced kite, the... Read More

Its A Brand New Day

Waking up one day and realizing your world just isn't... Read More

Blessings for the Soul

In Corrogue I count my Blessings.These are numerous. There is... Read More

Top 15 Inspirational Quotations

Get inspired and lift your spirits with these positive quotations... Read More

It Only Takes a Spark - Pass It On

Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of... Read More

Why My Wife Is My Hero

My name is Chas Brothers. Many of you know me... Read More

Ctrl-Alt-Delete Your Life

Ah, the good old "Vulcan nerve pinch", the three-fingered salute,... Read More