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3 Big Fat Lies that Deserve to Die

Big Fat Lie 1: Your personality is formed and unchangeable by age 5 or 6

Somehow we have accepted the idea that we are complete by age 5 or 6 because some "learned psychologist" said so.

Recent research reveals, however, that our neocortex, the front part of our brain that is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, is still developing well into late adolescence.

I can hear the parents of teens saying "Well, duh!"

If you pause to think about this notion, it really makes little sense, for at least two reasons:

1) It implies that people cannot change, and my 25 years of working with people makes me conclude just the opposite it true.

Although just about every phase of my work life involves talking with people, I am basically a shy person. In high school and college there was a guy in our church who was very friendly to everyone, and just about everywhere we went, he knew someone. Because I admired this, I watched and modeled some of his behavior because my shyness was something I very much wanted to change.

2) If you are 40 years old and everything was formed and complete by age 5, then this implies that you have wasted the last 35 years. I doubt that to be true

Big Fat Lie 2: Time heals all wounds.

We have all heard this one many times. Sounds good, doesn't it?

The problem is that time does not heal all wounds.

The reality is this: all time does is pass.

It's what we do while time is passing that makes the difference.

I've worked with people that have had huge tragedies in their lives, and because of the way they handled it, were doing fairly well relatively soon.

I've also worked with people who have had misfortune in their lives who talk about it as if it were last week when, in fact, it occurred 15 years ago.

They have kept it alive and recent for them.

It's what we do while time passes that makes the difference.

Big Fat Lie 3: The first cut is the deepest

From Rod Stewart to Sheryl Crow, "the first cut is the deepest" has become an accepted myth about relationships.

The first breakup is supposed to be the worst and most difficult. "Isn't this supposed to hurt more?" I've even had teens and adults say, as if there were doing something wrong with not being broken-hearted enough.

The reality is that the deepest cut, or most hurt, comes in the relationships where you have cared, loved and given the most.

The difficult task is to recover enough to, in the words of the song, "try to love again."

It's an important thing to accomplish, otherwise you give the other person way too much power over you.

Visit for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:

Bullied boy hailed 'young warrior' as he leads out all-star rugby team
Sat, 22 Feb 2020 10:50:00 +0000
A nine-year-old boy who was left suicidal after being bullied because of his dwarfism has had "the best day of his life" as he led out an all-star rugby league team in Australia.

Italy reports second coronavirus death as infections worldwide pass 77,000
Fri, 21 Feb 2020 12:50:00 +0000
Two people have died of the coronavirus in Italy in the space of 24 hours.

Ryanair boss accused of racism for saying terrorists are 'generally Muslim men'
Sat, 22 Feb 2020 08:52:00 +0000
Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has sparked outrage for suggesting would-be plane bombers are more likely to be Muslim men - and airport security should focus on "where the threat is coming from".

Giorgio Armani accuses fashion industry of 'raping' women
Sat, 22 Feb 2020 09:09:00 +0000
Giorgio Armani has been criticised for remarks in which he accused the fashion industry of "raping" women.

Sanders tells Putin to 'stay out' of election after 'Russian help'
Fri, 21 Feb 2020 21:53:00 +0000
Bernie Sanders has told Russian leader Vladimir Putin to "stay out of American elections".

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