Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Why Therapy Fails Sometimes

I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back. They had seen the other one only a few times. They couldn't even remember her name.

I asked what they had gotten from counseling, and much to my chagrin, came a far too typical response: "Nothing." Why doesn't therapy make an impact? Why do people who see a counselor week after week continue to be bogged down with the problems they initially came in with?

Sometimes the therapist just isn't very good. She may be supportive and understanding of her clients' problems, but her skills don't go far enough. She's unable to confront the woman who talks on and on or to tell the man he's out of line with his anger. Or that he needs to stop drawing attention to himself by butting in. Sometimes, too, the therapist is good at helping to identify the problem but is not skilled in coming up with suggestions as to what the person can do to change.

Counseling may also fail because the person going may only be interested in proving it's someone else's fault. Once the therapist hones in on what the person is doing to cause part of the problem, the individual cancels all future therapy sessions. Later on she can be overheard at a party saying how therapy doesn't work.

Sometimes therapy is seen as ineffective because the original goal for going cannot be achieved. For example, a woman is involved in a terrible marriage. She and her husband fight constantly, he runs around on her, he won't come to therapy, and because of religious reasons she's unwilling to get a separation or divorce. In this case the therapist is limited. He can help the woman explore what she gets from fighting. Perhaps it's a pattern she learned in childhood or a fear of closeness. The therapist can teach the woman how to pick her fights instead of engaging in every fight that comes along. He can teach her how to stay on the topic when she and her husband have a disagreement, which will limit the length and intensity of their fighting. And he can help her learn to identify other areas of her life where she will find fulfillment. He can certainly help her cut down the arguments in her marriage. What he can't do is stop the husband from running around.

Sometimes therapy is ineffective because the person going is not willing to put in the energy to make needed changes. He may be willing to come talk about the problem - shyness, loneliness, anxiety, difficulty on the job - but he's unwilling to do what it takes outside of the therapy session to make therapy effective. He won't put himself in a situation where he can meet new people. He refuses to update his skills so he can find a different job. He won't explore other jobs, and he refuses to talk to his boss about his unhappiness.

Therapy is a little like going to the doctor. You want to choose a doctor that has a good reputation. Once you go, you explore your symptoms with the doctor - when they first appeared, how long you've had them, what you've tried in the past. The doctor makes a diagnosis and prescribes treatment. You follow the treatment plan and take your medication. If the medication doesn't work, you work on another course of action. You continue to consult the doctor for other treatment plans or you try a different doctor until you get the problem solved.

Doris Wild Helmering is a St. Louis psychotherapist in private practce. She has written eight books, numerous magazine and newspaper articles on the topics of marriage, relationships and families. Doris guides her clents with calm and sensitivity and solution directed action plans. Visit Doris at She'll make you want to change.

In The News:

Russian jets 'behind fatal airstrikes on school district'
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 16:36:00 +0000
First-hand testimony gathered by Sky News suggests Russian warplanes were behind airstrikes which killed 44 in a Syrian district filled with schools.

Syria footage 'almost certainly' shows war crime - lawyer
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 20:18:00 +0000
Footage of first-hand testimony suggesting Russian warplanes carried out airstrikes that killed dozens of people in Syria would mean Moscow almost certainly committed a war crime, a lawyer has told Sky News.

Real-time attack by Trump 'very intimidating', says ousted US envoy
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 15:48:00 +0000
A former US envoy has said she found it "very intimidating" that Donald Trump was attacking her on Twitter as she testified at the impeachment inquiry into the president.

Race to save art as 70% of Venice submerged by floods
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 09:31:00 +0000
People in Venice are racing against time to stop precious artwork being lost to the rising flood waters.

Ex-Trump adviser convicted of lying and witness tampering
Fri, 15 Nov 2019 16:50:00 +0000
Donald Trump's former adviser Roger Stone has been found guilty on all seven counts of obstruction, witness tampering and lying to Congress.

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Become More Self-Confident

Signs of Self-ConfidenceLet's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking... Read More

The Pitfalls of Procrastination

We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes... Read More

Do You See Clearly?

"I don't see how I can just make up my... Read More

The Top 10 BEST Things About Having a Coach

Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal... Read More

Developing Will Power and Self Discipline

Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won... Read More

Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility

Emotional dependency means getting one's good feelings from outside oneself.... Read More

Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment

Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.The time-honored approach to disappointment... Read More

Getting Unstuck: Moving Forward To Success

Ever find yourself stuck in that awful loop of inactivity?... Read More

A Perrverse Confidante

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15,... Read More

Leading Grief Groups: The Preliminaries

Preparation: If you desire advertising the group, announcements need to... Read More

Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv

A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow... Read More

5 Steps to Derail Difficult People - Your Surefire Way to a Peaceful Resolution

That one guy at work that always has to be... Read More

Several Red Flags for Spotting a Phony or Scam

The world is full of phonies and scammers these days.... Read More

How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People

The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by... Read More

3 Keys to Making Small Talk Easy to Do

Small talk used to be really hard work for me.... Read More

Crisis: Danger or Opportunity?

I have often heard motivational speakers say that the word... Read More

What Do You Have To Give?

"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly... Read More

Expectations Can Get In Our Way

There are times when we truly look forward to something... Read More

Life - Is It Just An Illusion?

It's a well-known fact that electrons and atoms move at... Read More

Worth Waiting For

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22,... Read More

The Value of Career Coaching and Its Effect on Productivity

Athletes the world over have coaches. Yet, workers whose very... Read More

Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?

Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and... Read More

Coaching for Results

He's a very successful sales manger who craves results. He... Read More

After July 8, Pay This Amount

You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a... Read More

Two Leadership Strategies: Don?t Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach

Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under... Read More