Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Lovers Remorse

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 29, 2002

A few months after my divorce I started seeing a friend of my ex-wife. She told me I really needed a person that would appreciate me. We had a great sex life, and she told me anytime was fine. I told her I never heard that before, but she said she was different.

After a year she asked when we were going to buy a house. I said, "If you want to, we will." I used my money to buy the house, and our sex life changed as soon as we moved in. Her life is now centered around her young son from a previous marriage, and when he goes to bed, she goes to bed.

This has been going on since we bought the house four years ago. We never would have bought the house if our relationship was like this before.


Kennan, you knew how important a vital sexual relationship was for you. Some part of you sensed it was too good to be true. When you questioned her, she allayed your fears, but those fears have come to pass.

Time complicated the situation. After four years your girlfriend is likely to feel nothing but anger when you confront her, but confront her you must.

What really is the issue? Is it sex, or is there not enough love between the two of you for physical intimacy to be a natural part of your relationship? If there isn't a connection which allows intimacy, there isn't a connection which allows this relationship to continue.


Breaking With Tradition

I have a problem with my husband's grandmother. From the beginning, I welcomed and accepted his grandmother openly. I did not question her motives and accepted her for who she is.

The problem is this woman is the source of gossip in the family and dwells on pitting my husband and his brother against each other in petty competitions. This carries over and includes the wives.

I am a born-again Christian and the peacemaker in the family, and I am tired of it. I am tired of petty competitions like who gave the best birthday present. I told each and every woman the gossip must stop!

Life is too short to spend on negative issues and fighting. How can I teach my children healthy conflict resolution if this woman continually hurts us and starts fights? She is in her 70s and too late to change I guess.


Josee, your desire to teach your children healthy conflict resolution is excellent. It is a much needed skill, but it assumes at least a minimal willingness on the part of the other person to play. Sometimes that just isn't the case.

So it is with your husband's grandmother. She has been doing damage to her family for decades, and barring some profound event like a near-death experience, she isn't likely to change.

Dealing effectively with her is more like housebreaking a puppy than conflict resolution. A behavioral approach is what is called for. Behaviorism has strong overtones of manipulation which we don't approve of, but with intractable behavior it can be the only answer.

Perhaps you will choose to praise her when she makes positive comments, and remain silent and ignore negative comments. Or perhaps you will simply let her know you and your children will promptly leave in the presence of infighting or negative comparisons.

Whatever you decide, keep to your plan as faithfully as if housebreaking a puppy. You might also look for a book on behavioral analysis, especially one dealing with the rules for shaping behavior.

Many people marry into toxic families. Spending less time with them and more time with people who value what you value will make your life more enjoyable. Even more importantly, it will give your children the opportunity to see the difference between productive, mature behavior and its opposite.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email:

In The News:

Pilot caught on high-voltage power line after fighter jet crash
Thu, 19 Sep 2019 11:18:00 +0100
A pilot is stuck on a high-voltage electricity line in France after a Belgian fighter jet crashed.

'It was dumb': Trudeau apologises for brown-face photo
Thu, 19 Sep 2019 02:33:00 +0100
Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau has apologised after a photo of him in brown-face make-up at a costume party in 2001 emerged.

Suicide attack on Afghan hospital kills at least 20
Thu, 19 Sep 2019 11:15:00 +0100
At least 20 people have been killed and more than 90 wounded in a suicide bombing on a hospital in southern Afghanistan.

Pregnant mum stabbed to death in bed on beach holiday
Thu, 19 Sep 2019 07:41:00 +0100
A pregnant woman was stabbed to death in her bed as she slept alongside her husband and toddler son at a luxury resort in South Africa.

School kids suing US government over climate change
Wed, 18 Sep 2019 10:43:00 +0100
In the beautiful state of Oregon an almighty legal row with international implications is unfolding.

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Live With An Attitude Of Gratitude

Imagine for a moment one of those nights when you... Read More

Be Better at Business ? And Lose Weight, Too!

In business, individuals often secure the services of a success... Read More

Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous

I was talking to one of my coaching clients and... Read More

Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge

As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a... Read More

Living In The Now

I hope you are sitting down as you read this!... Read More

5 Minute Morning Balance Ritual

"3 Questions, 5 Minutes a Day: Make leaps towards greater... Read More

Viewpoints - Communication Destruction Or....

Viewpoints! Everyone has them and they are personal. However, when... Read More

A Numbers Game!

Three years ago, Paul left his corporate job to launch... Read More

Your Personal Treasure Chest

Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic... Read More

What Dost Thou Speaketh? Hey, Affirm This Way!

Articulating repetitive statements with emotion will inevitably connect you to... Read More

Happiness and Work: Your Life Depends On It.

Early one morning, Robert awoke, made his wife of 41... Read More

The Great Marketing Reframe

From grimaces to stomach knots, talking about marketing seems to... Read More

The Value of Coaching to Support Your Business and Your Life

In our daily lives as well as in our businesses,... Read More

Great Advice

It never ceases to amaze me that every time I... Read More

Growing On G.R.O.W ? A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers

The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is... Read More

4 Ways To Avoid Looking Stupid When Making Small Talk

The fear of saying something silly and feeling embarrassed stops... Read More

Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues

In this article we would like to help you explore... Read More

The Incredible Rightness of Being

An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has... Read More

How to Get More Business Without Even Trying

Why are you in business? Hopefully you enjoy what you... Read More

Your Responsibility

The other day I decided to skip cooking dinner and... Read More

Strategic Checklists

I've been through a couple of checklists in the past... Read More

How Can Sceptics Get the Proof They Need

Are you one of those folks that needs to figure-it-out... Read More

Mailey?s Introspections [Monday, December 6th 2005]

As I work with clients as their introspective Inner Peace/Relationship... Read More

What You See is What You Get

H. Jackson Brown Jr. once wrote, Your mind can only... Read More

Words That Inspire - PEACE

WORDS THAT INSPIREA monthly quick shot to motivate you, in... Read More