Maintain your old Siemens Hipath system

Friends?

I met my friend when we were in graduate school, and we enjoyed hanging out together outside of classes. After receiving our degrees, we both left school to live in different states. That was 10 years ago.

We've kept in touch, but our phone conversations and twice-a-year visits became opportunities for my friend to talk endlessly about her problems. When I tried to fill her in on my own life, she obviously tuned out.

In the past few years I've not visited her at all and dread her occasional phone calls and visits to my house. She invites herself now because I no longer invite her. When she's at my home, she literally follows me from room to room, talking nonstop, until I make an excuse to get away from her. I tell her I need to take a nap, but I don't sleep. I sit in my room and read or enjoy the quiet.

Here's the worst part. She and her family, including two young children, are moving to our city. Her family has a small income, and they are buying a house in a grand neighborhood they can't afford. She asked if she and her husband and her children can stay at my home on their trips to our town to deal with house matters.

My husband and I have no children. Even though our home is tiny and perfectly sized for us, I let them stay. She told me her husband would start his new job before they finished purchasing this house. I felt obligated to offer him our guest room. If I hadn't offered, she would have asked anyway.

Now he's here, and it turns out he'll be staying on through the weekends. I am seething.

I would never, ever, under any circumstances impose on a friendship this way. I feel used, resentful, and don't care if I ever see her again. Should I end this friendship? I'm getting absolutely nothing from it but a knot in my stomach.

Lorraine

Lorraine, life hands us lessons all the time. When we don't learn the lesson, life gets more and more difficult until we do.

You were making and accepting calls from a woman you didn't even want to talk to. Now her husband is living in your house. Furthermore, she plans on moving in with her two small children. Where does this lead? Count on being a free, drop-in babysitter. Count on her asking you to pick up her kids after school. Count on imposition after imposition until you finally learn to say no.

Tamara often uses the example of oatmeal cookies. If you don't like oatmeal cookies, don't be "polite" and say you do. Otherwise you will always be offered oatmeal cookies, and friends will make you gifts of oatmeal cookies. That is why you cannot fake emotions out of a false sense of politeness.

Everything is being done to the advantage of your "friend." Nothing is to your advantage. This arrangement isn't working, and her husband needs to stay elsewhere. It is too much of an imposition. Call her tonight and tell her. Pick a day soon, like Friday, and tell her that will be his moving day. Let her know she and her family must make other arrangements when they move, whether their house is ready or not.

Don't waste time on long explanations or sugarcoat it. Make the call short and factual.

Wayne

Lorraine Triumphant!

You are so absolutely positively right. I am instant messaging my husband right now to discuss our visitor's last day. I think what I found most helpful is your pointing out that I'm accepting calls and visits from someone I don't want to talk to. It's so crystal clear. Thanks for giving me the kick in the butt that I need.

Lorraine

Lorraine, tonight we will lift our glasses and toast your victory.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 18, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In The News:

IS 'decimated' and down to last mile of territory - Pence
Sat, 16 Feb 2019 10:50:00 +0000
The Islamic State caliphate has been "decimated" and the last mile of IS-controlled territory in Syria is being captured by American-backed forces, says US vice president Mike Pence.

'I don't trust anyone': The British women who married IS jihadis
Fri, 15 Feb 2019 17:28:00 +0000
Reema Iqbal is talking to us from behind the plastic sheeting which marks the tented area which is now her home in Roj camp in northeast Syria.

Militants using civilians as shields delay capture of final IS enclave
Fri, 15 Feb 2019 16:14:00 +0000
Hundreds of civilians still living in Islamic State's final enclave have emerged and are being used as human shields - forcing US-backed troops to delay capturing the village.

Nigeria postpones presidential election at last minute
Sat, 16 Feb 2019 03:16:00 +0000
Nigeria's presidential election has been postponed just hours before polls were due to open.

'We're waiting for you': Sala's body flown home as town prepares for funeral
Sat, 16 Feb 2019 01:23:00 +0000
The funeral of Emiliano Sala who died in a plane crash over the English Channel is set to take place in Argentina later.



tikatoshop.it

Erfahrungen mit Pallhuber Wein
Agen Bola SBOBET Terpercaya

Travel in comfort and at your leisure with CT Airlink Limousine & Car Service for top quality private transportation and exceptional customer service. We operate Sedans, SUVs & Vans for CT Car Services to covering all Connecticut airports including Car Service from CT to Newark Airport , Mohegan Casino Uncasville CT, Foxwoods Casino Mashantucket CT, Manhattan Cruise Terminal NYC, Brooklyn Cruise Terminal NYC and Bayonne Cruise Terminal NJ. CT Airlink hire licensed and friendly chauffeurs who have in-depth knowledge of the Areas.

Flying in the Slow Lane

Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as... Read More

Developing Will Power and Self Discipline

Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won... Read More

A Sure-Fire, 10-Step Formula To Get Started As A Coach Or Consultant

"My guess is first I'll need some zippy flyers and... Read More

Coaching for Success

Coaching is perhaps the most effective method of increasing performance... Read More

Change the Words and Change the World

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

A Call To Do Better

I'm calling you out. Issuing a Challenge. Relax, It's not... Read More

Greasing the Path to Success: Finding the Confidence to Step Up to Key Moments

Whether it's making a prospecting call to a promising business... Read More

What Are Your Priorities?

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want... Read More

If What You Are Doing Is Not Working Change Your Approach

And ironically the more we worry about it, the more... Read More

The American Dream ? Are We Really Free?

The promises of THE AMERICAN DREAM (to have it all... Read More

Is Coaching For You?

More and more people have less and less time, but... Read More

Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success

Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc.... Read More

An Example of Allowing a Desire to Arrive on Its Own

I don't know why, but it seems we trip over... Read More

Increase Your Intelligence With Music

You Are What You Listen ToCan music really help you... Read More

Growing On G.R.O.W ? A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers

The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is... Read More

Personal Power

All of us would love to have personal power ?... Read More

Two Leadership Strategies: Don?t Lose Your Mind & Be a Coach

Are you feeling overwhelmed, a lack of confidence or under... Read More

Going Beyond Life Coaching

In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is... Read More

Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that... Read More

Our Perception Determines Our Experience

Not long ago, I traveled back east to Ohio and... Read More

Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)?

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it,... Read More

What Dost Thou Speaketh? Hey, Affirm This Way!

Articulating repetitive statements with emotion will inevitably connect you to... Read More

What Rules!

There are things that we do automatically internally that we... Read More

How to Coach Yourself!

Some people are not in a position to work with... Read More

Ten Ways to Make New Years Resolutions That You Can Actually Keep!

Are you one of the millions of people who make... Read More